How to Go Out as a Group of Girls in Lyon, Steps 1-12

1.       Arrive at the meeting place on time, to find that only one of the girls is there.

2.      General confusion and frantic texting.

3.      Realize you need to go buy alcohol.

4.      General confusion and frantic texting.

5.      Run around in high heel boots trying to find a grocery store that is still open. Have second girl, who is running late, hunt you down in grocery store, after she is generally confused and sends you some frantic texting.

6.      Set up new meeting place for the third girl.

7.       General confusion, frantic texting.

8.      Wander around the Bellecour metro stop for about twenty minutes, calling her name and making French people stare at you.

"Heather! Heeeeeather! HEATHER!"

9.       In frantic text, third girl says she’s at a different metro stop than originally agreed upon. General confusion. Meet her there instead.

10.      Where is fourth girl? General confusion and frantic texting.

11.      Wait around in final metro stop for another fifteen minutes for fourth girl. Ignore that your feet already hurt in your cute boots even though you’re not at the club yet.

12.      Try to find the house of a French friend; general confusion. Some frantic texting. 

Le confusion générale.

Once we got to the French friend’s house, the appetizers alone made it worth it: tiny, delicious pigs in a blanket, candy, dessert quiche, and jello shots to go with our drinks and our emergency-purchase of wine.

Real French Culture Fact #1: Jello is a rarity in France, and is imported in small qualities from the U.S., making it quite expensive.

Some French people have come to regard it as an odd delicacy because of the price and the strange colors it can come in. Others just think it’s another example of disgusting American food made of fake ingredients and dyes. So it was quite nice of our host to share her expensive Jello with us. We repaid her with mass amounts of bad French or “Franglais”—français (French) and anglais (English). But the more I drank, the better my French became, so it worked out alright. 

Hostess on the far left. Not pictured: her EPIC perfume collection-- we are talking at least 20 bottles.

Real French Culture Fact #2: Girls in France do not dress scantily, even when going out. If they saw how girls dressed in the U.S., they would assume we were all Grade-A Sluts.

Once we arrived at the clubs, First Revolution and Boudoir, it became immediately apparent that French girls cover up both their cleavage and their legs. They wear conservative dresses, with leggings, or the exact same outfit they would wear during the day, with heels. Now that it is freezing and snowing, I’m thankful for this bizarre trend.

But while the dress code was strikingly different from America, the club was just as strikingly the same. The clubs never change, whether they be in Germany, Greece, France, wherever. There is always something universal about the layout, the same division between indoor and outdoor space, the same American music, the same dance floor and lighting. I almost thought I was in Santa Barbara again, except for the fact that clubs in Santa Barbara don’t rain confetti on you ever hour. Tres chouette! 

Ooh la la.