Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Dangers of French Coffee, and the Perils of UPS

Real French Fact#4: Need something shipped to you from the U.S.? Don't use UPS.

My parents wanted to send me a care package full of the essentials of life, namely food and cute new shoes. They went to UPS first, who offered to charge them $50 for a teeny tiny box to be shipped to France. Then they went to their local post office, which charged them... $9.00.

On an unrelated note, I’ve now finished my espresso, and now I feel a little deflated. I could go get another (in fact, if it was American Coffee, I’d get five more), but French coffee will MESS YOU UP. You think you know what coffee is? No, you have no idea. Starbucks has nothing on French coffee. Combine three espresso shots from Pete’s Coffee at home, stir in a little pure adrenaline, some unadulterated amphetamines from an illegal drug warehouse, stir in the sensation you experience as you buckle yourself into a rollercoaster, and add a dash of attempting to ride a wild tiger that wants your blood, and you will have a vague idea of the effects of French coffee. I can drink a grande Starbucks latte and take a nap directly afterwards, to the astonishment of my friends. But I swear, any more than one teeny cup of French coffee, and my hands shake, I flash hot and cold, I feel painfully alert and uncomfortably conscious, and I BOUNCEBOUNCE BOUNCE around the classroom, speed taking with a crazy, disturbing grin on my face. “OKAYSONOWSWITCHPARTNERSANDASKTHEMNUMBERS8-10. READY!? GO!”  I quickly learned to keep to one cup so that the Crazy American Girl didn't scare the students

Not sure why I went with the decision of giving pre-caffeine me T-rex arms. In the moment, it just felt right.


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